All I Remember......

One night I was in a deep sleep, but I was coming to because of the distant sounds of someone talking.  I had awoken to find a part of myself, sitting up and speaking to someone in my bedroom.  The part of me that was sitting up was made of a delicate white light, almost invisible.  The more aware I became, it disappeared.  But the information it took was in my head as I thought, "Okay, that is important I will remember that"  I was aware of being given a date.  I went to the restroom, went back to bed and in the morning I could not recall the date, all I could remember was the number 5.

I struggled with this for a few weeks.  Why would I be given a date, but then not be able to remember it. What was the date, what was going to happen?  After awhile I had to let go and just accept the fact that I was not supposed to remember it consciously. If I had, I would probably be so focused on the date and the future that I would not live for each day.  So, I knew that while I could not remember, subconsciously it was there and I would remember when it was time.

Another experience I had after Tom passed was also in my room.  I was sleeping, but I was waking up to the sound of a large fan spinning, maybe more like a tornado is what it reminded me of.  As I was coming to, I could literally feel a breeze on my face and I started to wonder what that could be as I did not have a ceiling fan, just as I opened my eyes out of the corner towards the ceiling I saw what looked like a big wooden ceiling fan and as I turned to face it straight on, it completely disappeared.  I have no clue what it was, however I was not scared.  I always felt so safe and secure during these times.  I felt surrounded by a soft light that often I would see flash around me.

I knew there was a plan for us all.  A beautiful plan if only we could believe.  We had to let go of the old beliefs, the past and fears.  Basically get out of your lower mind!!  I had so many amazing thing happen that often I would often say, "Wow" to myself.  I didn't need to rationalize any of it either, I had no mental input to know what it was all about, but there was always a feeling attached to it,  one of love, letting go and a new earth.  I knew it was about trusting what I feel.  Not needing to know all the answers.  I knew the mind could only conceive so much, but the heart, the imagination, the soul was endless and existed in a place with no time, no restrictions, no limitations....just utter freedom and expansiveness.   I often joked with others that I was "out of my mind"  we would laugh and joke because to many I seemed "Out there"  but I knew I was more "me" than I ever was before.

I didn't feel the need to label, define and restrict myself in anyway.  When I walked I felt at one with nature, I walked effortlessly.  I wished others could have felt what I had felt, feel what I was feeling.  Now as I write this, I feel much has changed and shifted.  I am no longer completely out of my mind like before, but I have let go of much.  Many of my fears, worries and stress have gone.  If they do pop up, it isn't long before I have let it go.  I feel more empowered now more than ever in my life.  I feel something big is just around the corner, something that is me, fully expressing who I am, feeling confident and in complete control of my life, stepping past all the worries and obstacles that I have put in my way.  I know just beyond that wall is freedom, success and joy.

Now more than ever it is important for each of us to go deep within.  Get to know your authentic self.  Get past the ego, worries and stress that keep us from achieving that feeling of complete joy of expressing who we really are.  We don't need to have the answers for all our experiences that defy the mind, but just allow and be thankful.  Some experiences have no answer, defies all logic and the mind.  This is our time to experience and feel more than we ever have before, to go past merely existing, but truly living, expressing, and enjoying life as it is meant to be.  I can do it and so can you!